


point your finger at yourself

by Sternstunde



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, a big ass argument bc klaus is done, its 2am i feel alive, its between him and vanya who has also been done since her childhood, people get blamed, they all need a damn hug and for reggie to vanish, they kinda make up tho so we fine on the sibling bonding train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 12:30:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sternstunde/pseuds/Sternstunde
Summary: "She didn't mean it, Klaus," Allison says, voice gentle.That's the thing though, they have been called out for all their mistakes all the time, even in a damn book, which bared their whole soul for the whole world. But since she caused the apocalypse, no one even mentioned anything she did - and God, she is just as horrible as they are."Of course she didn't," he speaks up, gazing at her with his tired eyes, "just how she didn't mean to write a damn autobiography, telling the world all about our fuck-ups."





	point your finger at yourself

Vanya’s autobiography always lingered on his mind.

 

Well, that wasn’t completely true, but also not wrong.

 

Vanya’s autobiography always lingered on his mind, when _he was sober_. He read it in rehab because they thought it would be a good idea. And Klaus agreed, it was a good idea to see how Vanya was doing, how she felt and all that cheesy stuff Ben mentioned. So, he sat still and read through a book in rehab, tried his best to concentrate on the words she wrote and what she meant, even though he was sober and a thousand ghosts were screaming constantly at him. But he did it, slow and careful enough so that Ben could read it as well.

 

And honestly, he should have seen it coming.

 

The whole book was basically a big, colorless, “Fuck you!” to every one of the siblings. The only two siblings she seemed to spare were Five and Ben. The first because he was the closest to her and the latter because he was dead.  

 

She wrote about the way they excluded her, how their father ignored her, how their powers worked, what people they were and in which people they have turned over the years.

 

Ben was astonished by the whole thing, for a few days unable to believe, that sweet, little Vanya could ever write this. Then he believed and he was annoyed about it, not mad - because if he wasn’t mad at Klaus after all these years, then he definitely wouldn’t get mad at Vanya over one book - but irritated.

 

_“Why did she have to write this? Why did she do this?”_

 

Klaus just shook his head and told him to quiet down.

 

The thing is, Klaus isn’t even one bit stunned by this. Well, he does admire her sudden confidence to put that book out, knowing the next time she would see Diego, she’d probably get told off for it. But he isn’t stunned by the words, the spite and the hate they seem to radiate.

 

He isn’t surprised, because he knows how it feels to be ignored and how to ignore someone.

 

Vanya seemed to forget that Klaus was pretty much just as forgotten as she was - there was a point his father stopped him from going on missions with the others, simply because he didn’t want to explain to the media why one of the children he "adopted" seemed to be on drugs all the time, simply because Klaus was a disgrace to him.

 

And yeah, Klaus had it better than her, had Ben who talked to him a lot, but then Ben died and the rest never really paid him much attention. So, it was just him and the ghosts or the drugs. Most times the latter.

 

He also doesn’t understand how she has honestly concluded that her being ordinary was a bad thing, but he understands it’s the kind of pressure you get when all your other siblings are able to fuck people up someway.

 

He finds it funny though - she knows so much about them, because she spent years of observing them, and yet, she has never seen beyond what she wanted to see.

 

She threw their secrets out, told the world about all their powers, all their weaknesses and grasped that feeling of strength she had never before - it lasted for a short while and then it left her to the cold reality, the ultimate truth.

 

Nothing has changed, except that some of her siblings didn’t like her anymore.

 

Still, when he threw the book into the trash can, he accepted it as what it was - a way to call them out, a way to deal with the loneliness, a way to ignore _her own wrongdoings_ because being ordinary just didn’t cut it for him.

 

The book has served its purpose though. Every one of the Hargreeves now know how shitty they are.

 

But Klaus is the only one - besides Allison - who carries it with him because he has known all along that he was a terrible sibling.

 

* * *

 

Before he knows it, they are back in time and he's stuck in his 13-year-old body. It's weird and he fucking hates it, because being 13 means being sober, which of course means wailing ghosts everywhere.

 

He tried to get high again, but this time he's being stopped by the only reason he's happy to be 13 again.

 

Ben's alive.

 

Ben's alive, has a body, can touch things, eat, drink, feel and _interact_ \- it's fucking amazing.

 

So, yeah, Ben who knows him in and out keeps him away from the drugs, so Klaus has to deal with it.

 

The first few weeks are being spent trying to escape their father's quiet observation, so they can train Vanya and make sure nothing like the apocalypse will ever happen again by bonding as siblings. The thing is, this time it's different.

 

This time, Vanya doesn't trust them and is irritated by them (everyone has agreed to blame Luther for the trust issues, but Klaus knows it's deeper than that).

 

Now they are stuck trying to get her trust back - well, everyone except Ben who was forgiven easily (perks of being dead, Klaus guesses) and himself.

 

It's not that she has forgiven him, it's that Klaus knows he has fucked up and so did the others. But it's unfair that only she gets to forgive them for their mistakes, but they don't get to forgive her for her mistakes - and she made just as much.

 

So, he won't beg for forgiveness or anything. He loves her, she is and always will be his little sister. If she needs help or wants to hang out, he'll be there, but he won't go out of his way to praise her existence and do everything she wants.

 

When she forgives him, it'll be natural, something that just happens. He's more than fine with that.

 

He continues his days, stays sober mostly thanks to Ben, gets locked into the local mausoleum once in a while, and just tries to live on for his siblings and to keep his memories of Dave intact.

 

* * *

 

Everyone changes a bit.

 

Luther actually starts to listen less to their father and it's understandably difficult for him, considering their father used to be the one person that held him emotionally stable, which is why he turned out so horrible at understanding and processing emotions - their father should be _no one's_ emotional support. Luther just didn't luck out.

 

Diego actually starts to show that he cares, he's less of an asshole, and it's working out for him so far. Diego was never much of an asshole, but he was cold, and now he's not.

 

Allison tries her best to make it up to Vanya. She uses her power way, way less than she did as a child, and it's a blessing honestly because there's just some stuff you don't want to repeat, no matter what. It seems to be working too, Vanya relaxes around her for a part, but something is still holding her back.

 

Well, he's sober, that's a big change already.

 

Five is less asshole-ish? Probably? No, probably not. Five has changed the least out of them, but he lets them in a bit more, tells them stuff sometimes and seems more relaxed, now where they know how to avoid the apocalypse more or less.

 

Ben has changed a shitton of the amount and it's fucking everyone up. _Klaus loves it._ The thing is, he's witnessed any of Ben changes over the years, so to him Ben is still the same, but to everyone else, he's kind of a stranger now. That would honestly suck, if it wasn't for the fact, that one of Ben's biggest changes is, that he tells people off without a care, lets out a few snarky remarks and basically doesn't take anyone's shit anymore. And every time his siblings drop their jaws and look as if they have seen a ghost (he _had_ to). It's honestly more entertaining than anything else at this point.

 

Vanya has also changed a shitton and their siblings are hating it. Well, except Five, who loves the change, but hates that it includes un-cooperativeness towards him. Diego and Allison hate it, Ben and Luther feel a bit and a lot uncomfortable by it and Klaus is amused by it, so he counts himself to the love-the-change party with Five.

 

But really, it's a delight to observe, because Vanya talks back and snaps. She shows emotions, and that's the biggest, loveliest change out of all. Klaus can't see why anyone of their siblings would hate that difference - or did they forget, that Vanya didn't even show many emotions her whole life in the previous timeline? He sure didn't, considering he remembered her - now nonexistent - autobiography.

 

But he can also see the negatives that came with her change - the way she's always mad, always so restless. It's a bit unnerving.

 

He lets it be though, she has still not forgiven any of them and reaching out would only be futile at the moment.

 

* * *

 

A week later, Klaus spends five days in the mausoleum. The only things his father leaves him are four water bottles and the words, _"It's for your best. After all, Number Four, it's time you stop this foolishness and get over your shameful fear."_

 

Four days later, he's out of the mausoleum and Ben refuses to leave his side.

 

His siblings try this time, but their voices are too loud, he's too exhausted to care, everything is cold, his vision is shaking and the damn ghosts are still wailing and wailing, so Ben - God bless him - tells his siblings to let it be.

 

Then Vanya scoffs and mutters, "always seeking attention but when he gets it, it's too much."

 

She efficiently silenced all their siblings, and then blinks, her eyes widening in realization, as she finally grasps what she just said.

 

Klaus knows it's a mistake.

 

She hasn't done well recently, their father more intent on dismissing her and her training is more frustrating.

 

"I…," Vanya says, unable to look at him.

 

_Klaus knows it's a mistake._

 

"She didn't mean it, Klaus," Allison says, voice gentle.

 

That's the thing though, they have been called out for all their mistakes all the time, even in a damn book, which bared their whole soul for the whole world. But since she caused the apocalypse, no one even mentioned anything she did - and God, she is just as horrible as they are.

 

"Of course she didn't," he speaks up, gazing at her with his tired eyes, "just how she didn't mean to write a damn autobiography, telling the world all about our fuck-ups."

 

And someone draws a breath at this. Some of his siblings look to the side, unable to admit that he's true, but unable to deny it.

 

Vanya narrows her eyes at him. "Nothing I wrote isn't true."

 

He sighs, before he replies, "that's not the fucking point. That was never the fucking point. The point was that you wrote down stuff about us, that no one else knew, into a damn book and let it be published, for the whole fucking world to see!"

 

He shakes his head before he continues. "We all always knew we were assholes, the biggest fuck-ups of the century! But the thing is…"

 

Then he stops and everyone stares at him.

 

"... you weren't any better," he finally says.

 

"Kla-"

 

Vanya interrupts Ben, stepping closer to him. "How? How was I just as horrible as you all? You ignored me! Seen me as less, just because I was ordinary! Turns out I'm not though."

 

He rolls his eyes. "There you go, putting words into our mouths. You were always so quick to assume."

 

She scoffs at that.

 

"See you like less? Please, as a kid I begged God every day to be anything like you, but then… I learned that sometimes you don't get what you want."

 

"Me?" she says outraged, "I had it horrible!"

 

"You didn't learn shit," he says instead.

 

"You all ignored me when we were children! So, did Father and now where I have powers, I'm worth something?!"

 

And then Klaus snaps.

 

"God, that's the one thing I never liked about you! You'd always mention how you were outcast-ed in your damn book? How not having an ability sucked," Klaus tightened his hands, nails pressing into the skin, "but the fucking thing is, you never really tried to see it from our point of view! How the hell can you call yourself observant, when you never noticed how many bruises Luther had from training? Or all the times Diego was shaken up because our lovely Father kept drowning him for a few hours?!"

 

Then he points at Allison. "All the times she couldn't talk from a sore throat and refused to mutter anything concerning her training?"

 

He then turns to look at Five. "Or do you want me to remind you of the times we had to carry a tired Five to his room, because his body was weak, his head dizzy and he kept vomiting?"

 

Five sighs at that.

 

Then he looks at Ben, their gazes locking.

 

"All the time… all the fucking times Ben hated himself, because Vanya, dear. He didn't love killing innocent people - but that old bastard made him do it anyway."

 

Ben closes his eyes and Klaus sighs, before staring at her again.

 

"And I get it - being caged in is shitty and Luther has not made a good decision that time."

 

Then he really looks at her, her eyes widen in horror.

 

"Where did you think I was the last four days? Did you ever question what extra training meant? No, probably not, because you got to escape it all."

 

Someone's holding his hand and he knows it's Ben.

 

"The last four days, I was locked in a mausoleum - you know, a fucking tomb - surrounded by a shitton of ghosts who have kept on screaming and wailing at me, have begged me for help and have blamed me, told me to die."

 

Then he grins wearily.

 

"And the funniest thing about it? Half of those ghosts are people our siblings killed Vanya. Not harmed, but _killed."_

 

She gulps and he tries to stop his hands from shaking.

 

"We were kids, Vanya. We were kids and knew how to kill grown ass men, because that's what you do when you have abilities, according to Reginald fucking Hargreeves."

 

Then he lets go of Ben's hand and steps closer to Vanya, who immediately takes a step back.

 

"But the most horrible thing about this? You blame us for ignoring you, so engaged in wanting to be a part of us, that you forgot how relationships - or really, any form of communication - work," he tells her, shaking his head a bit, "you need two parties for a relationship, Vanya."

 

Then he gazes at everyone once again, before his eyes settle on her for the last time.

 

"We might have ignored you, but you also never tried to reach out. You don't get to blame solely us for it, as we don't get to blame solely you for it."

 

Then Klaus leaves for his room, ignoring the silence he leaves behind.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Vanya stands in front of Klaus' room, unsure if she should knock or not. Just when she's about to turn around and walk away, someone calls her name.

 

"Vanya."

 

Ben is starting at her, radiating an unsettling calmness, considering he told her off after Klaus left yesterday. It wasn't really bad, and Ben didn't just focus on her. Their other siblings also got an earful from him.

 

"I… uh.."

 

"You want to talk to Klaus?" he asks, lifting an eyebrow.

 

She nods, too embarrassed to speak up.

 

"I wanted to check up on him, but you two need to talk this out."

 

She wants to protest, but he shakes his head.

 

"I'll be back in 45 minutes."

 

Then he leaves and Vanya knows she can't bail out. She's about to knock, but before she can, she hears Klaus yell.

 

"You can come in, Vanya!"

 

She blinks, shakes her head and enters his room, closing the door behind her.

 

"Welcome to my happy, little abode, Vanya," he says, seeming cheerful.

 

She nods, unsure how to react.

 

"How did you kn-"

 

"A ghost saw you and told me."

 

"Oh."

 

"Well, what brings you here, sister dearest?"

 

She looks up at him, he's grinning at her, _unlike the day before._

 

"I wanted to apologize."

 

"Huh, for what?"

 

And she's confused at first until she remembers what she heard Ben telling Five and Allison in the kitchen once.

 

_"He will start pretending like nothing is wrong if he feels like no one will take him seriously - it's a habit by now."_

 

Oh.

 

"No… no, it isn't, Klaus. This is serious!"

 

He blinks at her and she realizes, that she probably doesn't make sense to him.

 

"The things you said yesterday, Klaus," she says quietly, "you meant these things, so they hold worth."

 

God, no one ever took him seriously, neither did she.

 

He smiles at her.

 

"It's okay, Van-"

 

"No, it isn't! All this time I have been mad at you all, but you all had it so much worse and I never realized… I"

 

Klaus stands up from his bed, stepping closer to her and shakes his head.

 

"Suffering isn't a competition, Vanya. I know I said a lot of fucked-up stuff yesterday, but that doesn't mean your pain and suffering is invalid. No, it's just as valid."

 

"But-"

 

"Woah, calm down, tiger."

 

She narrows her eyes.

 

"I don't think you got my point."

 

She blinks.

 

"It was never about how much you suffered or any of us, really. It was about the fact that you only blamed us when you also were at blame. That rant yesterday, Vanya - it's just a stupid rant and only the last sentence is important."

 

 _You don't get to blame solely us for it, as we don't get to blame solely you for it,_ her mind recalled.

 

"... But..."

 

Klaus sighed.

 

"No, buts. Did I mean it? The shit I said yesterday? Frustration. It's okay, Vanya. I just want you to understand that we all, me, you, Ben - well, probably not Ben - and the others are to blame for everything," then he blinks, and nods his head, " except the abuse, that's dear old Reggie's fault, honestly."

 

He pats her shoulder and pulls her into a hug, as he grins.

 

"Just blame Reginald Hargreeves for anything that goes wrong in the future, he deserves it."

 

She smiles into his shoulder at that.

**Author's Note:**

> im fucking kfdsjfsdf screaming
> 
> Like I love Vanya, but I think somewhere along the road she fucked up too, and I find it extremely funny how a lot blame Luther, because all the harm he does is external, but don't blame Vanya and Klaus, who are mostly harming themselves. They all made mistakes, some more harmful to others some less, and yes they shouldn't just hide those mistakes away with stupid excuses, but chill, Luther can improve. He just needs to learn.
> 
> Same goes for the other lovely siblings.


End file.
